I could sit here for hours trying to come up with a better name for my post but in basic terms I think “My Journey” sums it up. I grew up in a loving household with two happily married parents that nurtured me, provided for me and taught me good morals. I was never a bad kid, but as my mom said, “You were just a pain in the ass”. I grew up in an affluent town where Ivy League educations were like M&M’s and sixteenth birthdays were sprinkled with Mercedes and Porsche’s. I grew up on the other side of the tracks. My parents did very well for themselves but as far as status went, we were poor compared to the rest of the yacht yielding, Ferrari driving, nouveau riche folk strolling around town. Did I want that? Of course, who didn’t, but it never defined me, never has, never will. To be honest, I know I will never get “there” but that’s fine. I am happy with me and happy with how my life has turned out. I went to a good college, received a solid education, I am an executive at a fairly large company and make a decent living. I’m in my early forties but quite honestly look around thirty five at best. I was always active when I was younger and I have retained my youth – for now. I am not digressing, as much as I am painting a high level picture of where I came from and how the hell I got into this!
I was a little awkward when I was younger. Terrible with girls and relationships. Not because I didn’t want one or couldn’t handle one, but because I was cursed with the “super nice guy, friend zone” disease. Yes, it’s not just a joke you see on iFunny or Reddit but the friend zone is wildly real and pretty horrible to be honest. I had one girlfriend all through high school and outside of that, crickets chirped loudly in the romance department. I remember getting to second base with her (She had fabulous breasts) and couldn’t stop thinking about them. I just wanted to play with them for days and what wonderful masturbation fodder they were. I think I calloused my hand so bad that the stranger hand had to come off the bench more than a few times that week. We didn’t last long, maybe three months, but I did have some nice memories. Thats was my longest relationship until I was nineteen.
Ahh, masturbation. I was king. I used to make love to my pillow, my socks, actually any piece of washable soft good was fair game. I was just a very horny kid. I think all teen guys are but part of me sort of knew I was a little overboard. I remember one time coming back from Christmas lunch at my aunts house and my parents drove by a scattered and ditched slew of porn mags on the side of the road. After we got home I made up some excuse to take my bike out so I could grab them (Mind you it’s December in New England so I was not only on a mission for porn but I have a feeling my dad knew where I was going). Thankfully they were still there. I got back to the house and shuffled inside mostly unseen, went to my room and closed the door. six days later…ok kidding, but it seemed like that. Page after page of beautiful women nude doing things I had never seen, and in some cases never even heard of. It was truly a sight and it didn’t seem dirty to me. It seemed beautiful and natural. Nina Hartley, Ginger Lynn, Amber Lynn, Racquel Darrian, Candie Evans, Barbara Dare…the list goes on, these women were tops on my fap list. Even today, if I could have one evening to film with any of these beautiful women my dreams would be fulfilled…ok, so now I digress. I used those magazines until leaving for college. They were old, faithful soldiers to me.
So off to college I go, virginity intact and zero understanding of how to close a deal and get with a girl. Well, lucky for me, I met a girl in the first week and she was the aggressor. No courting, no dinner, no real chat, just come to my room and let’s go. I can’t even tell you how nervous I was. All this practice, all these fantasies, all the pillows and socks I destroyed still couldn’t prepare me for this. The lights were low and she kindly undressed me (The first woman to see me fully naked as a man, ever) I was hard as a rock and just hoped I didn’t cum at the sight or her nude or her first touch. She was beautiful – a tall brunette athlete with smooth olive skin. She was about 5’9″ 130lbs, perfect curves and from the look of her in her bra, a solid C cup. She had a bright white smile accompanied by perfect teeth and piercing brown eyes. As she slowly unhooked her bra, I gulped as I have never seen a more perfectly laid, perky set of breasts ever – not even in the magazines. Perfect nipples and not ONE tan line. Then it was the final step before liftoff. Her panties slowly dropped to the floor with her two index fingers on either side doing the work as she wiggled a bit from side to side to push them down. Ta da! Wow, a perfectly shaved pussy was staring me down, no tan lines, and a visible, yet subtle, line beginning the descent to her labia like a treasure map. I may have actually been drooling at this point but I could have cared less. We came into embrace, soft kissing, light petting and she grabbed my cock and looked right into my eyes. I was smitten. Not by her exactly (I barely knew her), but at the experience we were having. The newness, the passion, the curiosity of each others bodies. The condom went on and I slowly slid in. So wet and soft, it was like a knife cutting through warm butter. In and out, in and out – wow, this was amazing – BUT in the back of my head I was so nervous, still so nervous. She came wildly the first time and then more tepid the second. I was like shit! I can’t cum! I was so nervous and even though I was lost in her beauty, I had to fake it. Yup, my first time and I faked it because I was nervous and and at this point exhausted considering it had been about thirty minutes of straight fucking. She had no idea. We snuggled a bit, giggled and chatted and then we parted ways. I saw her around campus after that and we always said hi but I didn’t really ever talk to her again. I was good with it. I have only faked it about three to four times since that experience.
Well of course, at this point, I’m 25 and I was brought up in a family where love and marriage were just the next step after college, so I met a girl. A very sweet girl. We married after a few years of dating and I was in love. So I thought. I am not sure anyone really knows what it is, especially at 27 but I was in for the long haul. So I thought. We got along wonderfully and we were friends for a long time before making the leap. After a few years I was bored. Not because she wasn’t wonderful but because she was different than me and intimacy was difficult for her. I wanted more than scheduling sex on a Saturday afternoon after a shower. Once a month! Over the next few years we grew apart but always remained friends. We divorced amicably and are still friends.
I was actually miserable after the divorce, lost, and didn’t know what to do. I had a few relationships but nothing ever peaked my interest. I never met my match. I have always been creative and loved drawing, photography, design and had a friend who did glamour modeling photography so I asked him about it. He told me about ModelMayhem (I will write another post on my MM experience one of these days but lets just say I have nothing nice to say about them). So I decided to take my love of being creative and something that was beautiful, the female figure, and start taking photos and building a portfolio. The problem was I had zero photos and no experience and couldn’t create an account to get advice or try schedule any kind of shoot without photos. It is a double edged sword when you first start. It’s not easy to find models who will shoot in any capacity unless you have some female friends who are willing or have some work already established. It was frustrating. Luckily I have a friend who agreed to take some clothed glamour and bikini pictures with me. I have to admit, I was nervous. She is going to be taking off her clothes and let me take photos of her in a bikini? Well, we did the shoot and I greatly enjoyed it. Looking through the lens I was seeing things I didn’t see when I was just standing in front of her. I wasn’t ogling, it was about the photos and making her and them beautiful and sexy.
So I now had my four photo minimum for Model Mayhem and created an account. It took a few weeks because the moderators didn’t like the name I chose and I had to converse with them for a few days to get everything worked out. Finally I was in and did a search in my area. I was blown away at the amount of models nearby and noticed something crazy, to me. There was a nude category. I was like models market themselves as nude models?! So I searched and found a few local women and sent messages. It was amazing how nice people were on the site and from the get go you could tell there was a real talent divide. Some models and photographers were just starting out, like me, and others were very experienced and good, like really good! So I found a middle ground and said to myself I won’t contact any real experienced models as I know I would disappoint but won’t limit myself to just being who I am and where I am in my journey and did just that. I got a pretty warm reception. I found one model from New Hampshire that did pretty much every type of modeling and even though she was very experienced, she was very open about working with new photographers. So we chatted. I explained my situation and my naivety and she seemed to feed off of it. In her profile she had POV and I asked her what that was and she explained. In her case it was implied POV but it sort of got me excited. I had only done one photo shoot and was I actually going to do this? Like Miles said in the the movie Risky Business, sometimes you just gotta say, “What the fuck, make your move!”. Ok, ok, sounds easy doesn’t it? Well the conversation was but what you have to remember, what made it a little easier for me and I luckily learned at an early stage, is that I was ok with paying models to shoot. To all you photographers starting out. If you can afford to pay models to work with, even at a modest capacity, you are already ahead of like 85% of photographers out there looking to shoot nudes and erotic content at an amateur level.
To my delight it was shoot day. It was scheduled for 2pm and right as rain at 1:50pm, my model showed up. She looked just like she did in the pictures and was beautiful. A late thirties beauty with long, wavy brown hair and a very tight body. I was sort of stunned that she shot POV content and to be honest I had NO idea what I was doing. She came in and we chatted while she finished her make up and got dressed. She was very experienced, and she was very comfortable with her body, she just disrobed right in front of me while we were talking and I was like, oh my! I was a gentleman, as I was brought up to be, and always made eye contact and looked away when I felt privacy was needed. So we were about to start. She could tell I was nervous but she was so talkative and fun that all of that faded and we just got into it. We started with solos on my bed. She then paused me and then stated, “You know you are a GWC?” I was like, “Huh? What’s a GWC?”. She filled me in on the fundamental classification of a “Guy With a Camera”. I had no lighting, I had a point and shoot Nikon camera the size of a baseball card and we were shooting in my house. I asked if that was bad. She said not for her and that she had worked with so many photographers now that she just likes working with new people and helping them, but for others they won’t shoot with guys like me. It made perfect sense. I mean, think about it, a beautiful woman comes to my house to shoot nudes and POV with me on a handheld camera with no other equipment. Yeah, red flags, I can see that. In the end I consider myself so lucky that I shot with this model first. She taught me a ton in that two hours and she was ultimately forgiving of my GWC status.
So we shot an hour of solo nudes, I was focused on angles and her position and was really working hard. I wanted to make her look beautiful. After we finished that set, it was time for POV. Mind you, it’s implied so no real touching, so just her unbuckling my belt and disrobing me while I captured the series until we were nude. I have to admit, it was exhilarating. Not just sexually, although that was part of it, but just capturing that passionate moment between the two of us. When we were finally both nude and she was on her knees she said, “Let’s change angles”. So we crawled on my bed and she laid between my legs while I snapped photos of her grabbing my thighs and being sensual. Then something happened – I got soft. I was so focused her and the angles I lost my erection. I put the camera down and she laughed. She put me at ease. Like I said I had never done anything like this before. She looked at me with a coy look and said, “Hold on”. She proceeded to start stroking my cock and I was like, “Oh my God!”. What was happening? how did I get here. It feels so good, yet so weird. She said, “I don’t mind being your fluffer” and smiled at me. We then continued to take shots with her holding my hard cock in various positions and angles. The fondness and passion came though and it was amazing. I was hooked on POV. Not only from the sexual standpoint (I’d be lying if I didn’t have sexual feelings) but just the experience we had. At the end we even took pics of a fake cum shot as I was way too overwhelmed to ask for that. That was my first experience with POV. My first shoot and first POV. Not a bad start. The pictures came out pretty nicely and she even complimented them saying they were the best GWC pics she had ever taken. We shot the next week but I will go into detail about that shoot in my next post about working with her.
So that was the beginning. I will have my next part of the story coming shortly in a blog post as to how I arrived where I am and how I got here. It’s been a wonderful ride thus far and I am so lucky to have worked with the amazingly talented and wonderful models I have.